Tuesday, March 22, 2016

It's been 5 years

To be honest, today was brutal.  I was anticipating it would be a hard day.  Five years just seems monumental.  I got up this morning and went to the gym at 6AM, I figured if I didn't have something to get me going, I might just lay in bed all morning.  Ironically, I had my check-up with my endocrinologist in the morning and then early afternoon I made a post on Facebook.  Then I started getting texts, comments, private messages of people's favorite memories of Craig.  All of this was great, but it also made me really sad.  My good friend, Claire, stopped by to see how I was doing.  I thought I would write some people's responses, for my memory.

Lindsey posted on her page: "I'm glad I didn't know, The way it all would end, The way it all would go, Our Lives, Are Better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, But I'd have had to miss, The dance." Garth Brooks -The Dance

Cory Posey posted: "I remember being in a hotel room in Wichita, KS when I got the phone call.  Even though you were younger than me, I always looked up to you and sought your approval.  Thank you for the memories. I wish there were more. RIP Craig"

Jill Schneider texted me: "Thinking of you and the family today.  Hard to imagine it's been 5 years. I know he would've been the fun uncle!  My memories are still of him and I talking about how lame and nonsocial Scott could be! He always made laugh! We miss you, Craig!"

Tricia Elliott messaged me: "My heart skipped a beat when I came across your post and picture.  Just still so hard to realize we will not see him again.  He will always be a part of some of my and my family's happiest memories.  Craig and Scott were friends and teammates in baseball, soccer, basketball, and football.  Then to think they both went to Tulane together! He will forever be a part of our family history and memory."

Coach Zierlein commented on my post: "One of my all time favorites.  I still use him as an example today when talking about having determination and overcoming obstacles.  He was a very good player and an awesome young man."

I am full of emotions.  It makes me sad when I think of all the memories that have been created that Craig wasn't a part of.  My heart still hurts so bad when I think I won't see him again in this life.  I'm not so sure the pain lessens, I just don't feel it as often.  Because when I do think about it my heart hurts.  I spent a lot of the day crying and missing Craig.  There are somedays I don't believe it's real, but as time moves on and memories are created without him, the reality sets in.  I miss you Craig and love you!
The Hawaii trip was one of the last ones we took as a family.  I will always treasure those memories.
The mud buggy was the best tour excursion!
You always made the best deep fried turkey.  I miss those!! It's not the same without you, no one even tries to make them.

Izzy will often ask me how you died.  Then she will tell me that she misses you, although I don't know if she remembers you, she hears me talk about you.  She will say, "Mom are you sad? I would be sad if my sibling died."  The answer is always the same. Yes.  I am sad.  I miss you everyday and wish I could call you one more time.  But I know I will see you again.  I love you, Craig!

No comments: