I knew that this day would be hard, but I guess I didn't know how hard. I never know what emotions I will feel from one day to the next. Some days I feel like things are better and I will be ok, then other days I don't think I can survive the day. The day before his birthday I just bawled and bawled, which I haven't done for a while. I feel so much sadness and pain. I always talked to Craig on August 31 about everything. Craig was someone you could easily talk to for an hour about politics, sports, medicine, trips, recent new, life. I miss those talks. I miss him everyday. I miss him managing the fantasy football league, I miss his sarcasm, I miss his wit and advice, I miss his knowledge, I miss his hugs, I miss his "I love you's," I miss his thoughtfulness. Not a day goes by I don't think of him, I am always reminded of him by songs, things people say, or just random things I see or hear. I always got him the same thing for his birthday, a gift card to Best Buy, and then 14 days later I would get a gift card for Chili's from him for my birthday. I love you Craig.
I know life is hard and it's not just me that experiences hard things in life. We all have our challenges and I try not to get too down on myself. I am so blessed to have such a great family and friends who offer me support in my life. I am so blessed to have the gospel in my life which uplifts me and comforts me. These are some of the things that have helped me through some tough days:
- I have a great family. My sister and I talked for two hours tonight. She is an inspiration to me.
- My cousin came to visit me with her husband and kids. It is so nice to talk to someone who knows my family, who knew Craig, and can somewhat understand some of the pain.
- Mike and Izzy. There have been some mornings where I just want to lay in bed and cry. Izzy will come and cuddle with me and give me hugs. She is such a blessing in my life.
- My best friend from high school called me randomly and we chatted for a couple hours. Her brother and Craig were also best friends.
- My other best friend from high school is starting medical school at the U and she came over and spent the day. It was great to laugh about our memories of Craig.
- I have great in-laws. There was one Sunday afternoon a few weeks after Craig's death and I didn't know how I would get through the day; I was able to talk to my sister-in-law and felt much better after. There is something about just being able to talk to someone and know that they care.
- My two friends from work sent me flowers today. They are so sweet and thoughtful. They always send me texts to see how I'm doing and go out to lunch or dinner with me.
- People from our new ward are absolutely amazing. Everyone has made me feel so welcome. Izzy and I always have playdates to go on and people to hang out with.
- My friend from my old ward came over to can peaches with me today. Her brother died about a year ago and she has been an answer to my prayers. She came over the morning after I found out about Craig's death and she has been there for me ever since.