Diabetes

It's fun to read blogs to see what people are up to, where they've been, all that fun and exciting stuff.  But this post isn't about a fun trip or something cute my girls did, it's about me.  And mostly I am writing it for me because I don't want to handwrite all my thoughts, feelings, and emotions-it would take too long.  And when my kids are older and read our blog that I've printed into books (at least I hope they read them) I want them to know, life isn't always the way we plan and we can do hard things.

Last Thursday, I met with an endocrinologist about diabetes.  I have never met with one before, just talked to my OB when I'm pregnant.  My blood sugars had been high so I thought I should meet with someone who specializes in diabetes.  I was expecting him to say that I have type 2 diabetes and I need to continue eating healthy and exercising, that was worst case scenario in my head.  I was hoping he would say I didn't have diabetes and that my sugar levels weren't that high and I was fine.  He didn't say either of those.

After talking about my history, looking at my sugar levels, and doing some blood work he told me he thinks I am adult onset type 1 diabetic.  Well that exceeded my worst fear.  Type 1? That involves shots, insulin, pumps, it never goes away.  Not exactly what I wanted to hear!  I am familiar with type 1 diabetes because my brother was type 1 diabetic. The dr calmed my fears a little explaining that I wouldn't have to go on insulin right away and that by eating healthy I could keep my sugar levels under control.  He said he would wait for some lab results and call me Tuesday.  Driving home from his office I had the thought, "You have been prepared for this." Having had gestational diabetes, I know what to eat to keep my sugar levels down, I know how to test my insulin levels, I know how to do a lot of things.  It's not a complete lifestyle change for me as it would be for some people.  Yet, I still spent most of Thursday feeling sad for myself.  I think I big part of it was it made me miss and think a lot about Craig.

I wanted to call him, ask him questions, get his perspective, talk to someone who understands.  I felt angry that he wasn't here when I needed him.  Lots of emotions that day.  I am glad that he was around when I had gestational diabetes with Izzy and was able to talk to him about it then. 

The doctor called this morning with my lab results.  My pancreas produces insulin, but on the low level, still in the normal range, just the lowest it can be and still be normal.  So that was good news. So for the meantime, I have to eat healthy, exercise, check my sugar levels a few times/week, and meet with him every 3 months.  As long as I can keep my Hemoglobin A1C under 6.5, I don't have to start insulin.  He said I could get by with no insulin for up to 10 years or it could be one month.  I'm hoping for 10 years.  I am feeling much better today and know that it is something I can get through.